A brand new day(heez..din sleep well, headache)

Slept "early" in the morning, dont feel like calling myself a vampire cos it's not tat i'm willing to be one....
I love sleeping cos when i'm deep asleep, i had all these wonderful dreams or perhaps, recently, all these terrible nightmares...
Hmm...
3.15am was definitely a SO-LATE time to sleep...
I can hardly fell asleep...lying on bed, many things flashed across my mind...
Bothering me with all the past that i've been through, i remembered my promise to myself on 1/1/2010----A better year, a better Jocelynn.
That's my words and now, i'm sticking myself on the wall of sufferrings....
No sleep, no eat...(Hey, i will get gastritis sooner o later cos it's my family's....erm....inheritance? All of us have it)
Anyway, living wif relatives simply means tat i should not let them worried...
When it's time to eat, i eat, when it's time to sleep.....Well, i'll stuck on the bed wif eyes wide open....counting blabla-black sheeps....
Yesterday, something came into my mind when someone-whom-i-used-to-care said something cruel to me...
Tears dropped down uncontrollably and a sense of committing suicide came across which shocked me and God, of course...
The Devil is so closed to take over my heart....
Luckily, i had these nice friends of mine and a good sister....
They reminded me on how stupid i am to hav tat kind of idea, just for someone who dont even love himself....
Well, when i awake this morning(not to tell u wad time it is), i thought a lot...
Yeah~ Time will cure everything...If u wan to wait, i'll let u be....I'm not being cruel, but if u wan to change back into the "old" character of urs, how can i stop u, since u dun allow me to step into ur world NOW...
If u think doing tat is good, tat just simply proof that my judgement is right...U changed for me, sheer for me and not for urself....Don't even realise that wad i care so much bout asking u to change is to tell u tat all those stuff are bad, and i wan u to realise them tat way too...But obviously, u dont....
Going back to the "old" person will make u happier?
If so, i wont stop u...I'm going to step my feet out of ur world now as it seems tat i'm not much invited into tat small world of urs...the world which u only care bout urself now and thinking wad u do is the best for others too...
When u told me tat u wan to be the bad guy, i cried...
And thinking of it now(well, friends, dunnid to take time, i made judgement very fast, i realised it after a sleep),I'm so stupid cos u urself dun even feel pity for doing tat, y should i worry, though I AM WORRIED, but....well, nomore tears for someone who cant love himself better before he loves a girl...
Loving urself is not bout doing something u like, feel the taste of freedom...It's about doing the right to urself,make urself happy in the RIGHT way before all other stuff!
When there's no love for urself, how can u love others?
It's not tat u live a life for others...tis is U! UR LIFE!!

That's y, after long thought....I dont wan to die now....No use to think that way..Simply useless...
I noe i will regret if i do so...making all those who care bout me,sad and depressed isnt things that i hoped to see...
And I remembered i'm a christian...
Devil is not gonna conquer my world...
God is still there wif me, always, so i'm not gonna feel my life wif sadness, in fact, in God's world, i'm able to be happier...
Whenever i'm sad, once i think of God, He just has the power to heal my wound...
Just like back few years, when papa is mad, crying-baby-like-me can just simply hide under blanket in my room, all dark..i feel hopeless...Then now, no more crying baby...I will face challenges tough and well...
Friends, dont worry bout me, but for those who're friends of his too, just take care of him, no matter he's willing to listen o not, I'm here always, as long as u're willing to come over to me as a friend, i'm here....


Be happy!!=)
Cousin coming back today...heez><
Gonna have....erm....lamb chop for supper tonight...wakakaXD



No more tears....though still feel sad...but, hah~more relieved...Thanks friend(for u noe who u r)!!

Ys, thanks for ur strong "WAKE UP!" and the saying "cant u see the devil is smiling wide cos u're making urself suffer"

Khai, thanks for all the advice...U help me a lot...



-Mogu=)-