Appreciate wad we have now...

I'm so much in down mood nowadays....
Not to mention bout my results, i'm much satisfied with it though, but i noe papa's not...at least cousin told me he seems like not....
Haiz...probably cos my results still doesnt fulfill the best requirements to enter medical field...so-called the "top results"...
Haiz (another long sigh=( ......)
Parents have been so worried, papa even wanna use his own "lao2 ben3" to support me into pharmacy....I dont want!!! At all!!!
That's his money, and most importantly, that's wad he'd kept for his next....50 years....I dont want to be the one who used the money and IF....i mean if lar....i din make it through, then how should i pay him back for that? I cant even think bout it...if i get the money, then i'll be like...studying in pressure..financial pressure...
Hmm....
Applied some scholarships, but after much consideration, i really hope i can get matriculation or JPA scholarship(the best that i hope for)....
Please, just for once, i wanna make my parents proud, let them noe,

"don't worry bout me anymore. I'm so much to independent age and i'm now...see? i got scholarship, no more a burden for u...Now, live for urself, enjoy ur life with the money u saved, k? When i finished my studies, dont worry, i'll be taking care of u two...."

I really hope i can make this promise loud and proud.....plus, make it a truth and not just dream...

So so much worries.....
Talk loudly to mum yesterday, felt so guilty and sad....I noe i shouldnt, but i'm just frustrated and she's there, talking on the same topic again, and so.....I.....hmmm....
Really sad....Everytime after my act, i'll surely say sorry to mum...And she'll give me a usual smile of forgiveness...
Now, I noe mum loves me so much, so do I....
But doing bad things to our family than the person outside, sometimes, it's just becos they're our closest, so we noe they love us, so we take for granted...
Shouldnt like tat....But i cant help....Somehow, i noe, they're the only person whom i can scold at, i can shout at, i can cry at without any hesitation of having them leaving me far away...
They'll always be there....
And now this makes me think, wad if one day, they're not?
*cant even dare to think* choi~ (chinese custom)

Often think tat i should study smart smart, study hard hard to strive an A+ for SPM (that's the aim for few years...)
Wad for? To fly up high and far....
I wanna study overseas and stuff like going on travelling, anything that can help to run away from this home...(which i always think i'm not lucky to be in this family)
Till form4, i realised how much my family loves me when I slowly tried to love my family and tolerate with them in God's way...
Even I do still wan to study overseas to have wider view of this world....but, family will be my hesitation....
I can still vividly remember, once, eldest sis came back from KL after 1 year studies....
She told me, crying..."I feel so sad, lynnlynn, u hav to appreciate the time wif mummy and papa, just now when i saw them in airport, i suddenly feel that they're so old out of a sudden..."
Understand the feelings?
We never realised how time passed when we're together all the time, everyday, every week, every month....
When we're not, u'll regret that time is cruelly taking all the beauty and health in one's life....
So, do appreciate wad we have now...
Many people couldnt or perhaps, just unwilling to express their love to their parents....
If so, treat them nice everyday instead of saying "I love you" which u don't mean it at all!!


So much of randomness, again, Dear God, I noe U have prepared a way for me, now, please take me along, lead me to the path U've arranged for me....Thanks God.



-Mogu-