Everyone's trying to make a difference in their very new year at this time...
For me, i decided to get back my own self... The old Jocelynn Tian that used to be very Jocelynn-ish like and childish and cute and funny and jovial...just very Jocelynn-ish...
There's no obvious intention of praising myself here...
But yes, i'd not been very happy in the year 2010...
And things don't seem to get better in 2011 either.....
I woke up at 3am yesterday, having a nightmare of my dad chasing after me with a rotan for some reason....And i knew very well, that's me being too stressed of my results and other stuff...
Now, trying-to-be-independent Jocelynn is just too tough for me...
It's such a cruel task that i, finally realised the world is full of wicked people trying to influence my heart away from God through hatred....
Soon, i'd really hated many people in my college in just half-year-time here....
Or perhaps, dislike....
There're many reasons for me not posting any articles in my blog for so long....
One of the main reasons simply because i'm not happy...
I'm so pathetic in this college...Everytime i want to type an article...All the unhappy scenes just rushed in uncontrollably and the next moment i got back my breathe, i'm actually crying....
And i dont want my blog to be filled with sadness...
2010 had been a hard year for Jocelynn...
Being a well-protected daughter back at home, really doesnt help when it comes to living outside like me...
Not to say stay out from home where i have to take 2 hours flight to go home...
It seems so pitiful...
However, Jocelynn have somehow overcome some of it...
2011, Jocelynn promised to be a different person....
New aim, new task to go on, new tactic, new people...
Special thanks for someone whom loved me so much...
You've participated in my life for past half years plus....
Honestly, without you, Jocelynn would be deadly sad in college...
You taught me a lot of things...
You protected me just like my sister when i was bullied by others...
You sacrifised for me....
You love me with no condition... and i know very well that these are all true...
Whatever i had requested, u gave me....
no matter how ridiculous it is...u can always give me the best reply i want....
Things dont seem so lately....
We quarreled a lot.... a whole lot i mean...
I started to be not so understanding anymore...
I put my anger on you, expecting you to tolerate everything....
I forgot that you're my boyfriend and not some sort of rubbish bin for me to kick and scold and release anger...
I cant help not doing that to you...For me, you're the only one that i could do so....
I used to do that to my family...cos i know they understand me...and no matter how angry they are, they will still be my family, not leaving me until the end of my life...
But you're different.... I'm doing these because i want to be myself with you...no pretending...Just Jocelynn....
I dont want to overcontrol my temper in front of you...
Yet, that's not a good way to maintain a relationship...
We've been through 7 months together.... 1 new year countdown in college... christmas and others....
I could see how good you have treated me all this while...
I'm so bad to let myself immersed in anger and amplified your small mistake into big fault, which i wouldnt do if i tried to listen and tolerate and accept...if i hold onto my temper a bit...
haiz....
At least, let me try???
Remind me whenever i'm angry???
i tend to lose control when i'm angry....Sorry...
You're really good...
Thanks for always being by my side....
So, i'm back here....
Must proceed...!!!
=)
-Mogu-
No comments:
Post a Comment