sickness which wont cure

This morning went to the hospital...
Had my regular skin checkup...( my skin is kinda allergic and as my close friends know, i got sweaty hands)
so, yea...I had some kind of treatment last year for few months to inhibit the sweat pores of my skin from secreting too much waste substances through sweating... It's a machine which led electricity to pass through the water and my hands are immersed in water...hmm, feel a bit numb at first but got used to it then...
However, before my spm examination last year, my hands got allergic to the treatment, so i stopped...

This year, i went to the hospital once for checkup on january...
The specialist, Dr.P told me that my hands might allergy to detergent....(washing detergent)
There're red spots all over my fingers, itchy...
So, there it goes...no housework for me, no need to wash dishes after meal (the only hose chores that i do best)...
But, badly, i went back to sri aman for almost 1 month on and off, so stayed there for quite long...
I didnt bring my medicine over.... I did cleaning, and my hands are itchy again...
So, this morning, went to see Dr.P again...
Frankly speaking, i'm afraid that Dr.P might scold me when he found out...
Well, i can sense that there's little "Ah...see? told u..." expression when he saw my fingers...and the spots that now appeared on my leg too...
Hmm...Feel bad...
(but lived in aunt house, not nice to just eat and go away without helping right?)
Anyway....
He told me that PATCH TEST must be done soon...
Till now, there's no way for him to prevent the sickness besides finding out the things or ingredients that make me allergy...
So, basically, the test would be carried out like this:
Different type of materials or cream wif different ingredients will be spread on my back, patch by patch...
Then, for 3 days, water cant get into contact wif my back.(means no bathing? yes!!---tat will b itchy worse..wakakaXD)
Serious...
Then, after 3 days, they'll observe which part of my back hav red spots and tat's what i'm allergic to...hmm...brilliant idea? well, it just means if i'm really allergy to certain things that's put on my back, after 3 days, i will have itchy back then!!
But it's all for my own good...
Then, he wrote the slip and i thought it would end there, i can go home...
Then mum and Dr.P talked bout my "great" dream to go for dentistry through jpa...
And Dr.P's reaction is---------*shook head+stare*
"U sure?"

"y?"

"well, between ur hands and ur dream, u can choose 1"

"...."dun understand....

"u noe ur allergy problem is a lifelong prob, it wont cure....being a dentist, whenever u're in contact wif ur patients, u have to wash ur hands using antiseptic detergent and wear gloves...not to say many are found that when they wore gloves for long period, they'll have allergy reaction towards gloves too...but u're allergy to detergents, so does that mean u wan to have itchy hands for ur whole life?"

*deep thinking* and i asked, "The worst will just be red spots and itchiness right?"

"Nope, this is the most minor symptoms.... If u get in contact wif detergent too often, or perhaps like u, daily, ur skin might crack and might bleed...." (which means there might b lil pores within fingers that bleed, mayb cos too dry, mayb allergy, mayb itchy and i scratch it, etc...)

*silent again*(saw some pores on my fingers do have the symptom of bleeding cos i scratched)

"So, what do u tink? u can continue and deal wif the problems in the future, but it would b a non-cure sickness..."

*smile*

"I've chosen my way, and i will go for it...Thank you, doctor...I've been through it for few years, i think i am prepared for the worst....Afterall, nothing should inhibit me from fulfilling my own dream..." replying in a shacking voice.... i noe i hesitate for a moment...

Way back home, i told papa bout it... The only question is just "Wad do u think?"
Mum asked the same thing too....

I've thought hard...
I noe my decision...I'm stubborn perhaps...
Still, mayb i've not gone through the "worst" which doctor worried bout, but i noe, if i dun continue my dream, i would regret over it...
This problem only make my will to become a dentist stronger...
I'm sure that dentist would be my path and somehow, i noe which step and where to go...
But perhaps, if i dun get jpa scholarships, i might tolerate to be ordinary doctor or pharmacist...
Yet now..... I'm sure that medical line will be my path....Antiseptic detergent will be my soulmate in the future... And allergy would be nothing after that...just go through it...
As long as I can glorify His name, everything is worth it!!
Khai would pray for me, i would pray too...
I've done much, God, please lead me...
I'm not afraid...U're my strength~


-Mogu-