6 December 2010=)

Owh~~~~
Awww~~~
I'm in the computer lab now, finishing my project earlier just mens that i got the chance to online wif the super fast streamyx line here....
Not fair!!
Broadband just seems so useless in my very own sweet room...Out of room, it's acceptably fast but not comfortable to online outside right?

Hmm... It's been a long time...
I got into the acapella final compatition...
"The Fellowship"
Good Job!! Gonna win!!=)


Amen.


PS* It's to be treated like princess when u're absolutely not one...But this, i reserve the right for my one and only him...^.^


-Mogu-

gonna go back soon...

1. straighten my hair

2. Thanks God, for helping dad to recover so soon an thanks for blessing the operation...

3. Thanks God for letting me decide to have a brand new start like how i promised myself, the day before i entered matrics..

4. gonna go back soon...

Miss mum so much and her cooking, still

Though holidays wasnt tat fun, but i'm glad i'm back..

Always remember how it felt like, when i'm cryin in college, wanting to come back here...

It's time to go back again...haiz...

-Mogu-

I'm back in my home

Had a try on driving just now...almost accident...dun wanna go into details as it's not tat bad...just tat i cant control my hands in controlling the steering....

Anyways, I'm finally back!!!

People~ pls date me out...dun wanna grow mushroom

at home leh...

Have to keep switch off and switch on my hp just to see the message....

Miss someone soo soo much~

-Mogu-

冬眠后的蘑菇

我回来了。。。

不，我就快回来了。。。

27/10 就是我抵达温暖的古晋的日子。。。

这篇文章， 我想了很久。。。原本觉得，那么久没更新了，应该以英语写作比较好。。。

不过，最终还是决定以我那几乎已经见不得人的华语程度，硬着头皮，一个一个华语字打出来。。。

本来还想继续冬眠下去，但是在我往面子书上回复了我朋友一句话后，时间。旅人又很不情愿的回了我的留言后，我决定露脸露脸，好好的与他抗衡下。。

。

这位旅人竟然在面子书上说“ aitee....y u guys can go back one??T.T”

在这，我真的很不好意思地说：“你很好意思这样回复我吼！！？？”

在我半年没得回家，终于要回去见见我可爱的狗狗，

我可爱的家装修后是什么样，我永远年轻的妈妈是不是又变漂亮了，我可恶的二姐是不是越来越肥（哈哈！！ 趁机诽谤），我的爸爸是不是又买了哪辆古董车后。。。。。

在你几乎每两三个月就回去一下。。。

在你可以常常享受很快很快的broadband或streamyx line

，而我却要花半小时，等我的facebook 上传一张我的近照，最后还是上传不到，最后选择放弃

后。。。

你好意思给我写T.T ???!!! 你找死啊？！！旅人。。。可怜冬眠的蘑菇啦。。。

（肯定喃喃自语说“蘑菇哪有冬眠?” 对不对？我就猜到。。。哈哈XD）

冬眠的蘑菇过的很好。。。

虽然有低潮期，但是我还是撑过去了。。。。

谢谢小黄和一班的好朋友。。。

一直觉得西马人不好惹的我，在认识你们之后真的改观很多。。。

你们真的是一群好人，又搞笑。。。好爱你们的陪伴。。。

蘑菇已经有第二个家了。。。

我可以生活的很好。。。真的。。。

至于小黄，谢谢你。。。

不知不觉，我们就快满5个月了 。。。

再不知不觉，就要半年了。。。。等这“年”字等了很久， 终于在你我漂泊这么久后，找到了我们彼此。。。再在我们互相摩擦，吵架之后，终于了解彼此。。。

谢谢。。。

蘑菇目前也正在面对大考。。。

就是我常常说4 flat 4 flat关乎的大考。。。

感觉如何嘛-------复杂！

有没有把握？ 我只能说，我已经尽全力了，只希望我的成绩能再次的荣耀主名，也希望这次，黄志渊可以和我一样一起荣耀主名。。。将来我们都有更好的条件事奉上帝。。。

我也考完了我的MUET ( Malaysia University English Test) 的speaking test...

难吗？我不想细说。。。只能说“紧张死了！！”

我诚心的希望上帝能保守我难道老师预期的band5 mid....

或band5 high 就再好不过了。。。如果能拿band6 ...我真的要在大学生活时用我能力所及的，参加宣教团队，到处传福音。。。一样，希望小黄可以陪伴我一起。。。

在这里的日子，我真的不喜欢，但是，有那么一群朋友一直帮助我。。。。我很珍惜他们的陪伴啊。。。

(下一篇会写朋友们的简介=））

蘑菇很累了。。。不过。。。朋友们，等着我！！！很快就可以见面了。。。嘻嘻！！

*开心*

-蘑菇-

Thanks God

God shows His mighty even when we're holiday-ing...even when we might forget Him....Even when we're in need, He who is the mighty King of all, still help us...
Thanks God for finding back Jerry's handset.... Thanks God... We love You...


-Mogu-

Another holiday@.@

in malacca.. i will make this post as short as possible...
reason???
I'm missing him now...
Plus, i'm sick again...
Holidays are not good times for me....

Jerry oei, take good care of urself ya...


-mogu-

Lucky bear

I love you, i really do....
Take my hand and hold it tight...
Never let go till the end of life....

Won the bear in Seremban....how lucky we are=)


Hubby.... I really love you...



-Mogu-

Moral sketch presentation

Just ended our moral sketch presentation....Things started wif uncertainty and madness....
Everyone was stressed wif their own studies... In fact, noone put much attention on this presentation till the last week before the presentation... Then, we got our script....and started our practices, which were only thrice...
I, took part as a local pirated vcd seller a.k.a gangster...
And the following is our casts for the drama:
Dont feel like mentioning much on it... Everyone did a great job that day...really~ much much better than practice and credit to Cheah Herng's "syok syok" expression...

My malacca trip wif sis was pratically ended up staying in sis room while waiting for her to finish work and then night time, we went out for dinner(which only occur twice tat week only)... A hongkong restaurant which sells nice food wif reasonable price... Have sweet time eating my stuff there...
My 4 besties in KMNS...And of course, not to deny....They are pretty...They are hot...They are cutie...They are sexy~(included me?? heez>.<)
Last but not least.... To all my dear readers who actually worried bout my condition for few days back, i'm still in this type of condition, dont feel like talking and stuff~ But, obviously, i'm a bit out from the gloom dy.....
Me and him, as usual, our quarrel does not last for 1 day.... Now, we're as sweet as always~=)
A great pic to share...
Thanks God for letting us know each other, for knowing You more in our daily life and for sharing our joy and sorrow together in Your love.... Dear God, please grant us the ability to serve You more in our life... Please look after us as Your dearest daughter and son, always...
In Jesus name, Amen.


-Mogu-

枯萎的蘑菇

好久好久都没来这片草原了。。。
有很多次，我打开了。。。可是又 每那心情说出心事。。。
我觉得现在的蘑菇越来越多心事了，而且多了一项本领---藏心事。。。
以前在学校时，就算有心事，都很难藏起来，因为会有太多关心，太多安慰，直到你说出那秘密为止。。。而且，总是有人，是我愿意向他吐露心事的。。。
现在，就算心情真的很糟，静静地一个人走着，也每人会问你好不好，是不是有不开心的事。。。
或许是还不过了解，我总觉得大家会觉得我本来就是这个样子的。。。
我越来越不开心了。。。
有时觉得很累，没人能依靠，没人能静静的听我哭诉后，再给我建议，继续走完下一段路。。。
有时觉得自己被伤害了，没人帮我出气。。。没人能像我古晋的八姐妹一样帮我出气。。。
有时觉得自己很无助时，其他人却会给与你一种“看你怎么惨？”的态度。。。不会伸出援手的。。。
有时你觉得简单的玩笑，每人能和你分享，因为他们觉得很无聊，久了，你就会慢慢失去那简单的快乐。。你会觉得自己好像很愚蠢。。。
有时你觉得是开玩笑，其他人却当真，生气你。。。


我换了一件衣服，开了电脑，想要放松自己，看一部戏。。。
结果却越看越不开心。。。
明明是喜剧，却可以看得像悲剧一样。。。
我着实觉得自己越来越不开心了。。。
某某今天因为一些事不开心，和我有了小争执。。。
结果说了一句很严重的话。。。
每次不开心时，我都会谨记不可说出自己会后悔的事。。。
但是你却这么轻易的宣泄出来。。。
我知道你很清楚自己说了那句话。。。
但你不知道的是，说出那句话意味着什么。。。
我挂了电话，因为我不想显露我听了那句话后有多脆弱。。。
我慢慢闭上眼睛仔细回想我们过去两个月的点点滴滴。。。
抱着你送的抱枕，我真的很想哭。。。

太多承诺，反而在这时显得沉重。
天天都让我开心。。。
不再计较这么多。。。
控制自己的脾气。。。
我们两个都没有遵守。。。

我放了一个盒子在自己面前，凝望着手指上套住的戒指。。。
就因为你说了那句：“我不喜欢和爱出pattern的女生在一起。。。”
是不是意味着你要放弃我了？？
“如果不会做我的女朋友就不要做。。。”
“我不想跟你讲话，你现在自己挂电话，不然我要挂了。。。”
每次我只要做错事，你生气起来就不知不觉飙了这些话。。。
不是说再生气都不要说出自己后悔的话吗？
所以你有后悔吗？
我不知道。。。
我只知道，蘑菇再坚强的心，都被打碎了。。。


-蘑菇-

Things are not running well again

I have no idea why i need to post this article to let people share my sorrow and frustration...but somehow, my heart told me that i have to do something to release this stress of mine...
When it's time to go back to college, i dun feel like doing it...
too many things to cope up...
and i'm still so blur and miserable...

Now, i forgot to pass up the assignments which teacher wants us to do so by the last day of our UPS exam...
Me and carmen struggled so hard to complete it and we succeeded...
On the last day of exam, i planned to hand it in right after exam, before i got on the bus to seremban....
Carmen's assignment is with me...
But once i finished my exam, i'm so excited that i straight away went back to room to pack my things so tat i'll be on time for the bus and i totally forgot about the assignments!!!!
OMG!!!
i just realised it just now...
How am i going to tell teacher?
What if teacher dont accept my apology and reasons?
There's a lot of "what if" that makes me feel like crying now....
Plus, i din perform well in my chemistry exam this time which gives teacher a perfect timing to scold me...
Haiz....

Then, i need to study chemistry, maths and bio all by myself once i'm back...
cos 1 week before the exam, i'm so shiok in studying the topics to be tested only till i neglected the new topics which teacher taught...
When i'm in lectures, i'm studying...
Not paying attention at all...
without realising, teachers had finished the new topic....
Now i dont understand a single thing that teacher taught...
Sigh...

I'm so so stress....

I'm so afraid to get back to college...get back to my studies....
1 week of holidays was spent surfing internet, watching movies and sleep...
brain is totally not functioning...
things seem to be so uncertain for me...
a lot of things to do...
really a lot...

i wish i have more time....
really hope so...
i want to be alone now....
closing myself in my sis room...
can i allow myself to daydream for another day?
please?

feel like crying again....
wanna go home....
dun wan to continue my studies ...
but it would be so irresponsible if i think this way....
haiz....

i need someone to talk to, but he's not here....

Dear God:
It's been quite s0metime since my last misery.... I'm so lost now...God, please lead me to the way You have designed for me to walk through... Please dont let satan took me over... Please give me the strength to continue and overcome all these challenges...I pray that every day is designed to let me grown up and that i have the ability to do so... I feel so weak now.... I need You, Father.... In Jesus name i prayed. Amen.



-mogu-

两个月过去了，我还是。。。

一样爱着你！！！

*请受不了恶心对白的部落客回避一下这篇文章*

真的傻傻的度过了我们的第二个月。。。
明显的，吵架次数减少，
爱你指数增加了好几倍。。。
我们俩拥有了我们一起最美好的第一次回忆~
有许多话想告诉你。。。
分开了一星期，我真的好想你啊。。。
黄志渊-----我真的好爱你！！！

谢谢你让黄爸爸黄妈妈知道我的存在。。。
我也希望能在我们俩稳定之后告诉爸妈。。。
不过，前提是4flat。。。、
所以我们要一直一直加油。。。
这个月的纪念日又泡汤了。。。
不要紧，我期待下个月的=）

第二个月的小熊还没上传到部落格，不过真的很特别。。。
我 喜欢。。。

喜欢偷拍我的黄志渊，因为总是觉得他可爱的不得了。。。
喜欢黄志渊穿西装的样子。。^.^
黄志渊，开学一起努力度过第三个月哦。。。=）

~仍在热恋期，不断上升~


-蘑菇-

Malacca trip

Miss my 8sis so much.....>.<







Tiring....
Dont feel like talking bout the trip as everything seems to be quite confidential...
Anyway, TRANSNASIONAL bus....excellent!!!
never sat a bus as comfortable as this...=)
Have a nice trip....
For the people who u noe who u are:
Thanks...I've a great time too...
^.^

Jerry, stepping into our 3rd month, thanks for bringing me laughters...And though there're hard time together, thanks for not giving up on me...It makes our love grow stronger...Love u...

Together, may God bless our love~


-Mogu-

命中注定吗？

有天美文大声喊我的名：“田丽洁！”
可是我没给回应，结果她反其道到反念我的名字，“洁丽田！”
突然，惊吓了下。。。才发现我的名字到反过来念，是： “Jerry Tian”
小黄是Jerry Oei。。。
这是命中注定吗？
开心的发现我们是这么紧紧 联系着的。。。

幸福的是你亲密的叫我老婆。。。
幸福的是你帮我把汉堡包切块。。。
幸福的是饭后，你拿 纸巾给我檫嘴。。。
幸福的是你一直在我一通电话后，就出现，不说话也幸福。。。
幸福的是我可以放心的睡，因为你会拼命打电话叫我起床。。。
幸福的是用餐前，你会陪我一起做饭前祷告，感谢上帝的保守。。。
幸福的是靠着你的肩膀小睡 。。。
幸福的是你说要我一直快乐。。。
幸福的是你的成绩比我好，那么我不必为未来担心，因为有你陪我一起努力。。。
幸福的是你说5201314。。。
最幸福的是有你。。。
黄志渊，谢谢你让我这么幸福。。。

下星期就是考试周了。。。
压力开始上升。。。我对自己真的很没信心。。。
黄志渊 真的很另我骄傲。。。
很开心有他。。。
也很庆幸。。。
本小姐小小的惭愧，因为成绩没他好。。。
这次的pre-ups test， 他的physics拿了39/40。。。
数学，48/50。。。
厉害到~
*骄傲*
我的室友都说：“ur bf so clever...”
我暗爽。。。哈哈！！
我数学拿了47/50。。
我容许这一分来证明他是我的数学老师。。。
若没有他，我的数学可能就当机了。。。

希望ups我们都可以一起拿4flat...

加油加油！！


-蘑菇-

J & J

一个月纪念日的小黑。。。
交往的第一只小熊。。。

我们要一直走下去。。。
加油加油！！！
4 flat 4 flat~



-蘑菇-

越来越没有想写部落格的心情，原因：我有小黄当我的垃圾桶兼出气包。。。
还没开始写部落格前，常常会想： 我要写这个这个。。。
不过，开始了，我又懒惰形容两个星期里所发生的点点滴滴。。。

这星期，我连续两天在班上大哭。。。
第一次：bio老师本来说星期三才给我们小考。。所以，星期二，我只需要专注我的chemistry and maths...那知，星期二的bio tutorial老师换人，突然要给我们小考。。。我们每个都没准备。。。我拿到考卷的当下真想撞墙自尽算了！！ 我真的不喜欢自己没尽力，就拿不好成绩。。。
我有种感觉自己这个小考可能会不及格，因为我真的从头到尾有种：“我学过这个哦？”的感觉。。。
所以，就一边考试，一边哭。。。唉~

第二次：bio老师。。。有是那个新老师，她在班上讨论题目，要我们一个一个回答问题。。。结果，问到我时，因为那题目我还没做，我不知道答案，所以，我老实的说我不会，结果。。。老师竟然要我罚站！！ 曾几何时我没再听到罚站这词。。。
我真的很彷徨。。。忍不住眼泪就留了下来。。。。
之后，我越站，就哭得越够力。。。
因为我突然觉得班上的人真的很自私。。。carmen除外，因为她也没做，不过，却拼命帮我找答案。。。
不想那些性马的，they have already finished sorting the questions...with answers in front of them, none of them even bother to give me the answer...everyone seems like not knowing or mayb they purposely rejected my S.O.S....
Thinking back how i have treated them for the past 1 month, when they got bad results, i became the teacher, taught them chemistry for 2 hours that very night in library....
When they need help in homework, i let them copied...
Even during topical quiz, cos they got really bad results for the 1st topical quiz, so teacher held another quiz right on the next day...
As teacher was not there, i was appointed to be the leader, to collect all the quiz paper...
There, i finished my quiz test really early and helped them questions by questions, ensuring everyone got at least 20 and above(over 30 marks) for that quiz....
Now, i only need a small help, no even bother to look at me....Noone even bother to whisper the answers....Noone at all!!!
Not that i helped them for a grant....
I just hoped i can get their help when i really need them, like in this incident...
Every students passingby, will look at me, how embarrassed i am....T.T

Anyway， i'm really disappointed with them...
Although like that, next time if they need help, i will still help them...
Cos for me, if i noe, if i've finished my work, y cant i lend them my hand?
It's up to them on how to return tis care back to me...
Not much hope, but without this incident, it would b more perfect...=)

小黄很可爱。。。一个这么大男人主义的男生，竟然会跑去刻我们的名字在手链上。。。超贴心的。。。我也很感动。。。
感谢他每次每次都作我的小佣人。。。帮我买食物 ，帮我提包包。。我哭时，还利用休息时间，到lab外面等我，就为了让我不哭。。。谢谢他。。。

pre ups maths quiz真的很难。。。
今天参观了ukm,所以没有考。。。
老师说，我们补考的会更难，完蛋了~！
没有carmen在身边， 超没安全感的。。。


加油蘑菇！！


-蘑菇-

呐喊

一直单纯的觉得种族歧视是不可能发生在我周围，像我这么天生乐观的人，再糟糕的待遇我都可以忍受。。。。
不过，现在，坐在冷冰冰的图书馆里，旁边还有位声称我为"orang asli"的可恶小黄，我实在是。。。。无言。。。。

上个星期3， 我们起了个大早，在我还是睡眼惺忪的要将我那装了死不多“知识”的头脑从书堆中移开，睡觉时，室友残忍的对我说：“ada assembly jocelynn..pukul 7.30am..." 我：。。。。。
那时是7.15am ...
我再度发挥我高超的洗澡速度，7.35am,我们一整群华人准时抵达操场。。。
不是我爱抱怨，而是，那些性马的人，实在是很够力的围住card-scanning machine。。。。
我只能说，都是我们华人的宽容心惹的祸。。。
我们只是看在他们都挤得要死要活，还不罢休，我们就冷眼站在一旁等他们搞定了，再去scan我们的attendance...
谁知，好死不死，终于轮到我们时，（racist的来了）那个hep就说”pergi beratur dulu!! tak perlu scan sekarang!!!!"


说的像是我们爱迟到一样。。。他不知我们已经很有耐性的站在一旁等他们的人scancard 15分钟了。。。
好！！！ 我们忍。。。。
"sudahlah lambat!! jalan begitu lambat lagi!!!"
这句话又从我们身后响起。。妈的！！ 又不是我们的错！！是那些性马的女人，好像早餐没吃，随时会挂掉一样，在我们面前，拖着脚，慢慢走路！！怎么就这么爱冲着我们华人乱骂！！有长眼睛的话，就麻烦擦亮您的灵魂之窗，看清楚！！！
我们再忍！！！

进到操场，队伍已经排到~~~~看不到哪个大人物在面前打哈欠了。。。。所以，我们华人又很大方的重新组一队，到前面。。。。
那时，我们的新jpp (pengawas) 也是性马的，也叫我们到前面去。。。
我们也很乖的照做了。。。
结果，没多久。。。。
另一位jpp性马的过来，说：“sekumpulan cina lagi!!! masuk ke dalam, jangan group sama..."
那时，我整个热腾腾的火气都上来了！！！
套一句粗俗的话，我内心真是拼命响着：”shit!!damn it!!!"

排一对也是你们的人叫的 ，现在怪也怪起我们来！！！
白痴的jpp!!!!
就需要这么show给我们看你们有多厉害吗？多有权威吗？
就因为你们人多，所以，性马的和性马的group 在一起就没错。。。。
我们group 在一起就大错特错！！
结果，还要我们分散，分别被马来人包围住。。。。什么道理。。。。
还有。。。。我天生鼻子敏感。。。我真的受够了他们那“香到想死”的香水味。。。
拜托！若真的这么需要，请统一你们的味道。。。你们知道我闻的有多难受吗？香+香+香，在这种情况真的是等于臭也~

还有。。。
小黄某天在上lecture时， 和朋友（华人）一起坐， 结果老师白目的用mic，指着他们说：“kamu MCA kah?"
炸到！
老师，你没看到下面坐着这么多UMNO吗？
MIC也在一旁集合，做么就爱攻击我们华族？
每次只要说何群不合群的问题，就说我们华人应该要融合大家什么的。。。
但是也不看看，你们人数这么多，派几个过来融合我们有这么难吗？
要我们100以下的华人去和1000多性马的打好关系，你也未免太看的起我们了。。。。
diffusion 都有说要from higher concentration to lower concentration, happens down the molecules' concentration gradient....
怎么不让他们来融合我们？！
反省吧！本来对他们的印象还ok,沙捞越的马来人都ok(其实是很难找到，因为他们躲在kampung里）。。。要见识，小黄说去他家乡，terengganu 就可以看到很多typical的马来人了。。。。
现在，college不要再用你们racist的眼光来说我们Racist了。。。。
生气。。。


上星期六刚 到KL ...爽！！！
不想说太多，总之，奇迹的是，我只花不超过rm 100。。。。不禁佩服我自己。。。哈哈！！

BIO这次依然没考好。。。
失望。 只拿了70分，最高分75。。。。
我决定去买那死不贵的campbell bio reference book了。。。
不过，chemistry 和maths 都拿了100分。。。。开心=)
就因为这样，我不想让chemistry老师（唯一的华人老师) 失望。。。我会一直保持的。。。
老师说7月酱会有个visit到UKM。。。整个lecture hall 有8个班级，只选3位，她选了我。。。我真的很开心勒！！ 不过小黄没去。。。。唉~要和一群性马的去visit， 超无聊的。。。不过看在可以免费去melaka， 好吧~ 我。。。。委曲委曲~！ 哈哈！！

好了！！
小黄继续做功课，我继续上网着。。。

-蘑菇-

满1月

第二只熊。。。
明年4月我们会有12只熊=）

我们要一直幸福下去。。。。


-蘑菇-

读书不等于学书

来到森美兰也有一个月了。。。
被人某人叫“orang asli" 因为被叫了这么久。。。
幸亏我sarawakian 有那多到泛滥的爱心，同情心，道德心，和最重要的宽容心，才不跟你计较这么多。。。

JPA成绩又出炉了。。。
这次，我是和那声称我”orang asli”的人，在香港点心茶室，用朋友laptop查的。。。。
我心情平静到犹如一潭死水。。。
我真的很希望自己可以拿到，不过，事实就是。。。。
那，只是一个“希望”。。。

但是，希望不至于灭亡。。。
只要matriculation拿到 4flat 就可以成功了。。。
这次考试的成绩：
Bio---83% （饮恨到~~~~~~）
Chem----97% （饮恨到想了结自己。。。。老师是华人，所以，她很深情的看着我和Carmen， 说：“你们应该拿100% 的，你知道我另一班， 有个马来人，拿到100% 勒。。。” 老师，我也很恨！！我不知道我怎么会鬼遮眼的多写unit， 让你有机会忍痛的从35分里扣了我1分。。。导致我离100分这么遥远。。。。下次，您不会有这机会了，我尽量。。）
Maths----19/20 （老师，对您，我真的只能认了。。。有酱的老师，我还能怪谁？？ 唉~ 你平时教我们时，都只说找到 x 就好了，结果，到了考试，你作为老师的职业道德突然萌起，说要substitute x into the equation to prove tat the equation is right...) 晕！！！

Bio 老师也好不到哪去。。。说：你们不要以为你们是H1P1 就是最聪明的。。。成绩其实是整个班级最差的。。。
拜托，老师， 我承认我们不是最聪明的，不过，请你记得，我们至少是真的为了考试准备了很久。。。。我们是衰在，我们每考卷好参考罢了。。。 您到图书馆瞧瞧，您自豪的考卷，早被其他先考得班级传出去，而我们，是没得到消息的那个。。。如果，我们有“参考”，我拿101分给你看，多出的1分是因为，我还可以把字在45分钟内写的美美的给你。。。虽然其他班级，参考的也都是聪明人，就算他们不参考，有些也可以拿到很好的成绩，但是，我想说，就是有不公平了，你不能这么骂我们。。大家都为了你的bio 读了很久。。。你让我想起我中学的bio 老师。。你成功的激起我的斗志了！！！ 这次的考试，我aim 90 以上。。。）主啊，请赐给我聪明智慧， 荣耀主的名。。。

某人一直笑我华语差，让我不禁怀疑老叶当初教我华语时是有多敷衍~
怎么我堂堂一个过去式的华语优秀生，来到这里，不是被评你华语怪怪的，就你华语酱好笑的。。。更糟的是，黄性人直接说：“你华语有好好读的吗？”
我：$#@$%#@ ....

读书不是学书。。。
你考试时，就是学书，因为你要背，你要深读。。。
你读故事书，普通上课时，你就是读书，因为你不需要可以记得。。。。
听懂了吗，性黄，名志渊的。。。。

奋斗奋斗！！


-蘑菇-

Spraying insecticide

I'm here to clear the bushes of my lil mushroom land....
Yea, friends, everything went on nicely...
The school is going to have an election soon, to select our new students' representative board, kinda serious, cos thisboard will represent the students to voice out our insatisfaction..
As always, i wanna to join the board, but after some consultation from my lecturers, they advised us not to join cos it's gonna be very busy that most of the previous JPP students didnt perform well in their studies....
Thus, i'm just here waiting for the electin campaign, and see how my classmates "promote" themselves to ask for our vote....hahaXD
It's gonna b interesting....

Had quiz for past few days....
Did okay for every subjects except biology(just the usual performance)
I'm so worried....However, friends said that i did write down the points required, so should b no problem for my essay....----i really hope so...

"Jocelynn is not available now=)" ----my msn status....
Heez>.<
"In a relationship"---- my facebook status...
What do these show???
Aha!!!
*secret*

OeiCheeYuancomebacksoonplease....



-Mogu-

Friends, no tears...

Before i started my post, NIGEL NGIAM KEE KIAT!!! wad comment is tat??? consoling plus insulting my bad English grammar arrr????
I'm blogging lar....neninenipupu~
Thanks for all the "kind" words and my brain automatically rejected all the sentences that i dun wan to read...hahaXD kektiok leh!!
Ohya!!
I found ur other long-lost twins here...
Aivern---his name...
Wootx wootx...
another challenge for me to change tis cool cool guy into the sot sot nigel that i noe now...wakakaXD
He's really cool, but during orientation, he can really do the cute cute actions when he's asked to demo...hahaXD *imagine* BUAHAHAHA!!!!XD
Hmm....Well, like nigel, aivern is really individualistic person too.... Very quiet, seldom talk....but i remembered the first time during moral lecture, he actually offered me to follow his car to church if i really cant find one (i was asking my seniors which take care of us how should i go) ...
And every guys is so shocked plus surprised that Aivern is actually talking to me (automatically, they think of other things that normal person will think of...)
For a cool guy who doesnt talk to others at all, i'm quite surprised too...
From tat day, we oways talked during moral lecture, but of course, we're mostly talking bout serious topic like how i talked to nigel...basically bout medical field line thingy and also some studies subject topic....
Hmm.... It's weird eventhough like tat, there are also rumor saying he likes me o wad...but girls have good six sense, i noe he didnt... he's really the type who wont mess his studies by liking someone....from his attitude, THEY should understand tis fact lar... and in fact, most of the time not me talking to him too...it's my other girl's friend, qian ni....

New friends a.k.a canteen buddies: Qian Ni(negeri sembilan), Mae Vin(klang,selangor), Cai Qian(Kelantan), Wendy( perak), Carmen( selangor), Amy( selangor), Jia Ying(ipoh)....

Having fun time here....wakakaXD but next week start schooling...
Not officially changed to bio field yet...waiting for announcement....nervous....
Jpa still not out yet, well, kinda worried bout it too...but again, all depend on God...He will surely lead me....

Erm, now boring during weekends....kuala pilah is quite small, yet my college is quite far from the kuala pilah pekan....haizT.T

Going for jogging in college every early morning and late evening...hahaXD keep fit...cos the food here is too spicy...cant stand it...haiz...
Luckily we found aHong Kong Restaurant just right opposite our college...the tauke is from hongkong of course, and he's so nice to us...every friday and saturday sunday, he's only cooking for the chinese student from kmns(kolej matrikulasi negeri sembilan)...he said all past chinese students there were all calling him "kai3 ye3" (cantonese) it means foster grandpa...he gave us his number, on thursday, we can call to tell him wad we wan to eat...and if we're sick, he will prepare porridge for us...taking care of us in a father-like way....

Staying in college for 1week, now, i'm using English to communicate wif friends all the time....
When we went to hongkong restaurant, i'm speaking cantonese too...now i realised," Jocelynn, ur cantonese not bad eh..."

hahaXD

Tat's all...gonna b really busy after this weekends.....start schooling....wootx wootx (excited instead of sighing)

=)


-Mogu-

In Kuala Pilah

Well, Kuala Pilah is actually the central spot of west Malaysia i would say...
Despite the "slowness" of celcom broadband here, everything went on quite smoothly today....
Had our lunch wif Aunty Nancy and her family, then we went for some shopping to get all my daily necessities ready....

After that, i had my nice long nap in Aunty Nancy's house... Comfortable...
Then, we had a round in college.... It's quite big, mayb will upload some photos if my handphone's cable is accessible for my computer...

Hmm, i got to meet some Chinese who is also on their way to matriculation college...
Guess life in Negeri Sembilan wont go any worse after this... (pray for the better one)
Still waiting for JPA, praying hard that parents wont b worrying bout me whether my pointer in matriculation is relevant for me to apply for university o not....instead, i hope my admission for JPA scholarship-sponsored university will b the best Mother's day present for mum...

Tomoro, form6 students have to be on their way to school...
I'm going to register too...
Brought many stuff here, wondered whether the other students will be the same o not???
HahaXD a big smile from me....
Agreed wif Ida, high school friends will be my best buddies of all!!
Jia, i miss u so much, sitting beside u in class is just soo nice....having a friend who listens to my mumbling and accepting my aggressive act is just so lucky!!!

Ching a.k.a. Ahma, hahaXD c?? i told u, u gonna cry and i'm not going to cry when u're crying...

Oh well!! actually, i did cry when reading jiajia's letter in the airport while waiting for boarding...

Miss all the fun....

Hope i will go back during holidays or u guys come kl play, tell me, o mayb if selangor, melaka, pahang o wad...just tell me...
If can, i will try my very best there.....=)


Good luck, Everyone!!!
Go! Go! Go! Jocelynn~

PS* broadband really slow here....



-Mogu-

*cry*

I strongly believed that i do not belong to here after reaching negeri sembilan around 3pm just now...
No offence, but seeing "Ma" all the way, makes me feel like crying...Instead, i do cry...
In KFC, queuing up and waiting to make our order, surrounding is full of laughters...but no Chinese were seen...
Malays and Indians conquer here....
Then, slowly, tears drop down...thinking back in Kuching, the days i had KFC together wif sis and friends.....now, i'm gonna be alone...all alone...
I wonder if my roommates see me crying, wad would they say?? Cant even bear the stress of being alone in different state, having no friends wif me...
Everyone said that i'm way too good in making new friends.... But the problem is... I'm not the "Hey! I'm jocelynn!!!", that natural high girl...I'm more to quiet now... I dun feel like making new friends....
I wan my old buddies...those whom i dunnid to say much, they can easily sense wad i mean, wad i wan...
Sincerely think that this surrounding doesnt suit me at all...
Comparatively, i'm more willing to be in Labuan, at least, i have friends wif me...
When i'm sad, i noe who should i look for....
8 sista!! I miss u guys so so much!!
I just cant mix around wif them...dunno why...feel so awkward...hope i can find new friend soon...really!!
Oh ya!! no dinner for me tonight...
dun feel like eating...
Everything happened in Seremban, Negeri Sembilan here isnt smooth at all...
Haiz....
*cry*
Tears seems to be so uncontrollable these days....
The whole KFC customers looking at me, bet they wonder why am i crying in a "children-favourite" place...



-Mogu-

Night in Sharing Planet *Preview*

(due to technical problem, the photos and exact article will be uploaded only when i settled downin Negeri Sembilan ya)

Overall, THANKS GUYS!! Will miss the time wif u guys, 1 week before i left, still can b fed wif so much gossips....wootx wootx>.<

Keryn, always the pretty girl i knew, since primary school till now, same face, same rate of prettiness: 100%

Jenny: HahaXD dunnid descriptions...U're just my twins to go crazy together...lalala~ will call u in the midnight when i'm sad and alone, and of course, if i do call, it just simply means, i miss u, i need u....

East: Aiz...the hair still so mushroom....Sweat sei... almost snatch my nickname away le lar...dunno wanna cut my hair again o not...But still so cute de????

Lester: Hmm... honestly, u're graded under handsome in my list lar...*dun overexcited till long tiang o* THanks for all the "jingle-bell" jokes throughout the nite...LOL~

Ivelyn: Pretty yet still so slim geh??? Hm... Take care of urself ya~

Vivien: Well, tag the two pandas when i upload the photos....Wish u and the "him" always xing4 fu2 and happy..=)


Take care guys~
Keep in touch, when i'm back, go out yamcha+gossip again...=P



-Mogu-

New laptop

Toshiba Satellite L510...
Thanks papa!!
Haha=)
U've spent lots on my studies stuff..thank you!
And mum, thanks for the clothes u bought today...and not forget, the luggage too....thankiuk!!

Gladysio!=)

From left to right: Gavin, Melissa, Me, Catherine, Gladys, Jemimah, Chee Xiung and Leandre.

Hmm...Went out for dinner wif the 7 cute friends last night at Causeway Bay Restaurant, somewhere near to The Pumpkin....

Had a great time, i mean EXCELLENT~

Cant stand all the laughters tat we had and the chit-chatting which eventually made us the center of the crowd and the attention of the workers there...

This group of friends somehow, except melissa and gavin, i seldom or mayb a lil bit less than OFTEN would i play wif.... Not to say that they're not funny o wad, but instead they're really crazy when they group together....especially wif xiung and melissa and jem there...plus, Gladys's pitchy laughs.... However, in class, i just dont have the time to mix in...hahaXD glad that the week before i left, i can have so much joy wif them...

Well, skip all the gossips and info that we've shared (I WONT TELL U WAD WE'VE SAID..wakakaXD), i drank 2 glasses of ice blended, SOLO!!

1. Mocca ice blended

2. Cappucino ice blended

They taste nice...and after much comparison, i realised that Causeway Bay has the cheapest o perhaps the most reasonable price for ice blended... RM6.50, while the other places have them around RM 11.50.

Well, they taste yummy wif my salted-fish-fried rice.

But too much caffeine is absolutely NO-GOOD to our health *reminder*

Know wad? "Thanks" to these ice blended that i discovered that my health condition doesnt allow me to take caffeine that much, or perhaps no coffee!!

I reached home around 10pm, then my heart started to pound so fast....extremely fast then followed by difficulty in breathing....

The condition went on till 4am....Imagine me in front of the computer, dizzy, cant breathe, then heart pumping at the highest rate....

Owh~ for once, i thought i'm gonna die from heart attack....

Of course late at that time, my parents are fast asleep, so i din wake them up, thinking it will b better after some time....

Well, it gets okay after i slowly going to sleep at 4am...

Then this morning i told papa bout wad i'd gone through last night and he shook his head, saying, " U're just like me....I cant take coffee too... Inherited le... Better dun drink coffee next time ya~"

There it goes... Bubai to my MOCCA and CAPPUCINO...

Hey!! Somehow, i havent had a try on black coffee... Ish~

Hmm...No wonder when i'm tired o sleepy during exam week, mum never offer to pour me a cup of coffee...

Wondering y am i the weakest among the "S.H.E" in my house?

From birth till now, i'm the one wif the thickest list of health treatment, ranging from asthma, allergic rhinitis, contact dermatitis till now, heart attack??? phew~ how "lucky" am i...

But not in a sarcastic way, these are all curable through medicine and treatment... Thanks God!!

Went back to school tis morning, SMK Green Road is still the same without Jocelynn Tian there (hahaXD thought my leaving will change something?) carpark in front of the hall is still filled wif teachers' cars...and noticed how much a teacher earns to let them have these good cars?? hehe>.<

Fishes are still alive in the pond...except that i din manage to capture a shot on the waterlilies...

Well, not to mention that our toilets are still as "colourful and interesting" as always... Never get bored while u're doing your "business"... HahaXD enjoy reading~ a "gossiping notice board", i named it....

Erm, having busy week starting from tomorrow.

Big boom in Everise, so gonna have shopping wif mum to buy my necessities for college.... Need new luggage and a real big one too....

Then dinner wif Keryn, Lester, East, Jenny, Ivelyn and Chee Xiung as planned on Monday night at Sharing Planet.. Hope can take lotsa nice photos to be put into my cute photo album...

The next day, which is Tuesday, gonna go out whole day wif my 8sis gang....going kbox and some movie perhaps...

Friday night, the day before my morning flight on Saturday, i hope that i can go for dinner wif wei yin, khai shin, jeremy and primary schoolmates cos i'm expecting for Joel's arrival from miri that night around 8pm....He'll b joining us...We'd had many 3 gatherings without him...so before i go, hope he can join us...

So, basically, i'm free on wednesday and thursday for now.... Will have packing on these two days then if noone is dating me out...haha....XD

Miss u guys... Wanna go out wif Gladysio gang again... wootx wootx

Oh ya!! Haven go out wif janice and yian ping gang gok leh...

-Mogu-

回到古晋

回到自己再熟悉不过的家, 却有种失落感.

爸多了很多白头发, 妈咪依旧忙碌着,稍嫌忙碌的她,也开始老了...

我不觉心疼...

几天后,我就要离开他们. 诺大的房子只剩下两老,我知道他们一定很寂寞...

我很想念妈咪的手艺, 在斯哩阿曼待了3星期,回来,就是餐餐吃普通的家常便饭,只要是妈咪煮的,我都觉得值得....以后,肯定吃不到这熟悉的味道了...

这几天的沉淀,让我真的撤撤底底地放下一切了...

没有时间让我分心....我还有妈咪的期望要履行...

我还有自己的愿望要实行...

计划当然永远赶不上变化, 但是我选择回到几个月前的自己, 什么也没发生,收拾心情, 不要改变, 重新开始...

森美兰将是我重新开始的第一站...

很多表格要填, 更别说是和朋友聚会了, 连到学校的时间也没有...

连续两天的疲劳轰炸, 外加习惯性的[更换住所不适症], 我又头痛了...

和朋友联系了下,今晚终于可以和ahsa 去喝茶了...

许久不见, 以后会好久不见的朋友, 希望真的都还能记得彼此...

我要学会照顾自己, 又是一门必须从头开始的功课....

曾经答应某人要好好照顾自己, 现在我会这么做, 但是不是为了他,而是为自己,为在乎我的朋友.... 毕竟, 不再在乎自己的人, 我没必要这么在意了, 对吧?

我真的不想再被影响, 既然不愿意说话, 那么我也没必要自取其辱.

不在乎了...一再的言语伤害, 已经让我看到真正的自己, 了解自己的感觉....在这里也谢谢你....

一个看请自己的经验, 我又成长了....

更明白自己什么...

慢慢收拾自己的衣服, 鞋子, 书本, 我知道接下来的旅途很艰难, 但是我还有朋友们可以诉苦...

请容我自私的要求你们----一直记得田丽洁是你们的朋友哦...

-蘑菇-

见证分享

主的大爱感动了我。
昨天，就像我与主立下的约，我到新恩堂的青少团契，作了我人生的第一个见证分享。
其实，本来就不是很紧张，心里只是单纯的想把我对主的爱传达给大家知道，让大家也可以感受主在我生命里做了何等大的工，赐给我何等尊贵的恩典。

“大家晚上好，主里平安。恩，我是田丽洁。感谢主让我今天可以站在这里为主作见证。我是来自一个非信徒的家庭。很多人都会好奇我怎么会从一个佛教徒变成基督徒的。
其实，身为一个学生，我也常常会面对很多压力。像父母对自己的期望，外界的高标准，成绩的压力等。。。还没信主前，我常常会为了成绩而回家哭得很惨。 父母对自己的期望也不在话下。小学时，还记得，若有一年没拿第一名，爸爸就会问，你是不是不会？做么没有第一名的？看太多电视拉！ 成绩退步了。。。
那对我来说真的是一种压力。。。
我觉得读书很辛苦。我感觉自己去学校，好像是为了成绩而读书，而不是为了喜欢读书才读书的。读书应该是一种很好玩的东西，但对我来说确实一种残忍的枷锁，一种高标准的施压， 以及让我没有自由的绳索。
FORM3 时，我真的压力很大，因为爸爸常说，你要考很好的成绩才能进好班，那个谁谁谁（我表姐）都拿STRAIGHT A， 你也要努力。
在很大的压力下，每天，我只要一读书，就开始在哭。觉得读书真的很累，但是又不能放弃。
有一晚，撒旦迁入我的心灵，我竟然有了自杀的念头。我打电话给大姐，那时已经是基督徒的大姐告诉我一句话{不要害怕。你的生命是上帝赐给你的，你应该为了上帝而活。 祷告，交托给上帝吧。} 就因为一句[祷告，交托]， 我开始做祷告。
不知怎样祷告的我，只是简单的请求上帝赐给我力量，让我不要害怕。
我发现，从那刻开始，上帝好像真的听到我的祷告，赐予我所需要的一切，自己引领我。。。
我开始到教堂。我的第一间教堂就是晋道堂。
每个星期，我的盼望都在于星期六和日，因为我可以参加团契和主日崇拜。
每当我脆弱时，我总觉得教堂才是真正能让我发泄的地方。
只要我遇到问题，团契时，当没有人在注意我时，我都会哭得很伤心。特别是当大家在唱[祷告]`[深触我心]等。。。我都觉得我的生命，若没遇上上帝，我将会是个很悲哀的人，每天活在自我怜悯里，觉得自己很可怜等。。。
有时，我还会在圣堂里，跪在大十字架前，哭。就什么也不想，只是崩溃的哭。哭完之后，我突然觉得，其实，那些也不是什么大问题。耶稣基督都为了我们这些罪人被钉死在十字架上，基督无怨无悔的付出，我的问题还能比这还严重吗？
认识主前，我认为人生真的很没意义。 我不知道自己的目标在哪。那是一种茫然。
眼里看到的东西都是坏的一面，所以在别人面前，我都会表现的很乐观，一种极度反差的乐观。
我内心曾经有很多的讨厌。
我觉得父母为什么看到我，对我的标准永远只是靠好成绩，而二姐就可以无忧无虑的上课? 难道若今天我的成绩不好，他们就不会爱我了。与我的话题永远只是读书，成绩。读书，补习。读书，某某拿第几名，赢你还是输你？我觉得他们会爱我，只是因为我的成绩，若今天我不厉害读书，那么，他们就不爱我了。。。我是这么想的。
对于亲戚，有些，我甚至很恨！因为他们的那张嘴脸。 只要我成绩稍微跌了几名，他们就会开始“诶，不是读书很聪明的昧？做么这次跌到酱厉害？你没有读书哈？（我只是默默的笑，心里觉得，像你这种人，只会在旁边煽风点火。）偏偏爸爸又很听信他们的话，就会生气的说：“你看，连某某都说你的成绩跌啊。。还不要好好读书。”
至于朋友嘛，我也曾经不喜欢自己的朋友。或许是被爸爸灌输多了。有时，我觉得自己交的朋友都是先认识我的成绩，才认识我。明白我的意思吗？
就是，常会被介绍“她是那个读书很厉害的田丽洁。” 而不是“她是田丽洁。我的同班同学。”
我不喜欢这样子。因为往往，留下的知识一脸尴尬。我也不知如何回应。
有时，我也觉得自己被利用。好像朋友和我做朋友只是为了抄那所谓“很厉害的功课”，为了考试时可以拿我考卷来抄，为了做PROJECT时，可以不用作，我会议个人包完，还有很多很多目的。
不是我不推辞，而是我很会看人脸色做事。 我觉得若我说不，或许他们会生气，甚至，我不希望有人说“读书厉害就嚣张啦！不要帮就不要啦！”我不是这种人。我很喜欢帮忙，可是我也会累，我也希望自己是因为我会是个好朋友而你们和我做朋友，不是为了那么多目的才认识我。
我很奇怪，我喜欢自己主动帮助其他人，那样让我很开心，但是我不喜欢一个人过分的要求我帮助他们，那样会让我觉得他们又目的。
这就是我还没认识主之前的样子。疑心病重，心里有恨。
认识主后，我开始抛开这些猜疑，我开始接受批评，对于我不喜欢听的，我开始把它当成笑话。
对于我不喜欢的人，我开始在他们身上找优点来喜欢他们。
对于不喜欢我的人，我会想办法让他们喜欢我。
对于怎样都不喜欢我，而自己有不爱惜自己的，我真的会放弃不要让自己去自取其辱。让他们继续讨厌。
信主的这3年，我真的很快乐。考试虽然会担心，但是，我都是为了荣耀主的名而努力着。
这3年，世界变得很美。
今天要做见证也是因为我感谢主让我有好口才和勇气。
本来我也很想读神学，但是基于现实问题，我也希望自己能行主耶稣基督所行的事，用主的一生来爱他的儿女们。
昨天我很开心，我收到了入学通知书。
我希望我的未来，可以在事业上荣耀主。
我希望向耶稣一样，帮助病苦的人，我一定会努力当个好医生（牙医）。
在事业上也能尽基督徒的本分---宣教。
所以，大家在主的爱里也要努力，一切为了主而做。
在主的爱里常常喜乐。
谢谢。”


--内容已被修改，因为真正说时有很多“嗯。。。恩。。。啊。。。”--


感谢主。 我做到了。
求主你继续带领我在大学生活也能喜乐，心灵永远跟随主。



愿一切荣耀归于主。
阿门。

PS: G，谢谢你那晚愿意陪我讲半小时的电话，还听我哭酱久，真的很高兴又你这朋友。希望“那件事”永远成为我们之间的秘密，不要和别人说哦，我相信你。真的很谢谢你啦！！回去请你吃，最好把时间都空出来！ 不要放我鸽子勒。。。



-蘑菇-

Matriculation on 8/5/2010

Thanks God, I get Matriculation in Negeri Sembilan.
Had a view on the facilities there, mum said not going to get me a laptop, cos got computer in the cyber cafe...haiz...well, my description for the overall, a bit...outdated, just like our SK green road, the blocks are still in the old-style design....
Well, for those who get Labuan, CONGRATULATIONS!!
It's so new, the blocks are like condominium to be exact!!
Tall buildings, good facilities...
Hmm, however, on behalf of all tat, as long as i have a place to shelter in, I'm so glad bout it....
Really thanks God for everything...
Tomorrow, as i've promised God, I'm gonna have a sharing session during youth to glorify His name...I've prepared the speech since 4 days ago...Hope i will do good...
Hmm...
Really love my family and friends...
Hope i can survive well in college...
Sis just called...
Keep reminding me, "My friend told me it's gonna b very stress in college, especially urs is only a 1year programme, means, u have to work really hard and in order to enter medicine, like wad u dreamt of, u have to get pointer 4.0 to be a doctor..."

Digesting these words into my mind, i will work really really hard for it...
Thanks God!!!=)
Really love U sooo much!!
University Malaya would be my target....

8/5 will b flying off already....
Wooo~
Nervous and worried more than happiness and joy....
Friends, i'm gonna b back to kuching on 27 i hope, after passing my driving lesson of course, and i will take 2 days to prepare all the stuff needed, then the rest of the time, DATE ME!!!!
Please, really feel the urge to meet all of u...
Please date me out, no matter i'm available o not, i will plead my dad to let me out....
So, i wanna enjoy the rest of the time...thanks...=P

Start to miss all of u now, especially mum....

PRAISE GOD FOR EVERYTHING!!



-Mogu-

1st driving lesson, I...

...feel so nervous and upset!!
At first, i'm just calm, and had tis overconfidence tat "Everyone can pass, y not i? sure i can..."
Then, things go the opposite way...Hmm...
Almost crashed into the drain...shh...just ALMOST....
Practically, my sifu so nervous and helped me turn my steering so i'm not really tat INDEPENDENT in my 1st driving lesson, all guided and helped~
Hope the next lesson would b good, after all, i have only 2 more weeks to learn before my test....
Hmm...back in kuching, i missed my friends....and...and...guess wad? Ah sa called to ask me for...erm...dinner? but i rejected jor, really, extremely sad bout it....My first date wif her, but i'm in sri aman now, how to fly back?
Hah~
Anyway, 2mr 8sis went for movie, and, again, no JOCELYNN in the gathering...
Dunno how much time left for us to be together...
Somehow, i got over the feelings of depressed over "relationship" thing...
Cos, I've lots of things to worried, not to say my studies(which i've worried since i started my interview), my family, my friends, my driving exam, and much much more...

Oh well, really dun wan end my post like tis, but....ha~ i feel excited for tomoro driving lesson again!!!=)

Sifu nag a lot...
I am totally blank inside the car, wad sifu said, i cant digest, i cant look at the mirror, but only stare in front....wad happen to me? can do 2 things in once?
hmm.....wanna practice everyday so tat i wont forget quickly, wanna get the cool feelings of driving....

Tata guys~^.^

Blog in english recently(bad english vocab and grammar as u all can see here), but, huh....i dunno how to use the chinese translator thing in my cousin's computer...

Oh ya!! see? the lo-so-mogu...
Uncle and aunt went to thailand, so now, house only left 3 kids(me and 2 cousins) and my foster mum....woohoo? nah~ not fun at all....just normal, read books and sleep, and blog, and chat....
FB notifications get lesser when u keep clicking it hour by hour..... Blogger seems not in the mood to update that often as i'm daily checking the newest blog post...
HELLO PEOPLE~ keep me updated!!



-Mogu-

Jpa interview--my experience

Well, hav a good sleep right after my interview...Had gone through sleepless night the day before this big day...
Hmm... I know ppl will be spamming my msn wif questions like "how's it?" "wad question they ask?" "wad current issues?"

Well, people, tell u wad...
I'm lucky to be in the same group wif my friends, 2 from green road, and 1 top student from college abdillah....
Well, even luckier when we got panel 2, which all the candidates agreed that they're damn friendly and nice to us...

We went in, and they clarified that both bm and english can b used, anytime, cos they wan to listen to us in both languages...so there we go...
Introduction in BM which is easier as compared to the other question...
then, followed by
"Which course do u choose?"
"Why?"

"Which country would u like to go?"
"Why?"

"Many scholars, after going to overseas, they get much attracted, will u most likely come back to Malaysia after ur studies?"

for medicine,"How do u find bout the program pendedahan kerjaya kedoktoran?" (this is asked as erm...introduction for all future doctors out there...a must...so prepared well for it...)

topic of discussion: cancer in males.....wad's ur role in solving it?

it's very nice....very funny, we laughed all through the interview...

Just had good time inside...and oh ya!! Heng Chuan and Adillah have good performance....
The top student...O.o, well, not to say much, is a great one too...i personally think that i did okay...All depend on God now...
No point to worry now right?
Just relax...
Mingle wif other candidates do help...
Hey, remember to bring ur jacket...If u're like me, wait from 8 till 12pm for my turn, i'm freezing inside...
So, just in case u're not tat early, jacket is compulsory...
or else the interviewer will b hearing ur shacking voice....
Show them tat u're confident, but not too boastful..
Good!
Many dentistry applicants...
Now, it's waiting time again...
=)
Good luck, people!!


-Mogu-

蘑菇的一生，认识了很多朋友。
很荣幸的说，他们都是对蘑菇好的人。。。
曾经以为对自己有企图，利用自己的人，最后都会拿出真心，和我做朋友，而不是为了接近一个被贴上标签[功课好] 的蘑菇。。。
我真的很喜欢中学的朋友，就像5science1和4science1...
我喜欢他们的真，不做作，不奉承，不巴结，不刻意讨好，不随便毁谤，不自私自利。。。可能有些人觉得他们会，但是，在我心中，那时很好的一班。。。是我多年后，都想回去就读的一班。。。
在班上，我深刻体会到什么是上课的欢乐，什么是无聊的玩笑但最终都可笑得很夸张，也认识了，什么是种族的团结。。。1malaysia, 真该找我们班去做代言。

班上的趣事，我只记得几件，但是人物，却不会忘记。。。。多年，记忆衰弱的我可能会忘了名字，但是请不要生气，报上自己的大名，你们还是我不可或缺的朋友。。。

班上的人很特别。。。我常和妈妈说：“咪，我班的人都不是书虫勒。。。他们上课都很疯的。。。但是考试时又很认真，大概只有那时才像是老师期望中的5science1，不过考过后，又是一群疯猴子。。。酱菜是学生嘛。。。”

而我妈也只能笑笑，无言。。。

真的爱上这班人的特色。不像别班，不可以指那一班，我们班上没有互相讨厌的情形。可能有小不开心，可是绝对没有吵架的事。。。对吧？我是都不记得有谁和谁吵架的啦。。。大家都很开心的。。。。玩在一起。。。而我呢，最喜欢像应酬公关一样，一个桌子接着一个桌子搭讪，八卦八卦。。。几kepo 以下的。。。

考spm 时， 我无聊的想起我班的人。。。很怕有一天，我会忘记他们，就好像我会不小心忘记我小学朋友的名字一样。。。所以我画了一下两幅图画。。。想念你们时就看一下。。。。

第一副图画好像忘了画全部人诶。。。不过我会补画的。。。

5science1没有同侪压力。。。不需要害怕得罪谁，我都很爱他们每一个人。。。

希望，在他们心目中，我也会是一个很好的朋友。。。

To my non-chinese friends: Sorry ya....just feel like writing this post in chinese....hope u guys dun mind....afterall, wanna noe wad i wrote? the conclusion of the article: I LOVE U GUYS!!!=)

PS* i dun need friends to show me how much hatred they have towards the world, i wan someone to let me know how much love the world has....

But if a friend of mine happened to hate this world, feel like giving up, i will be the one to help u and willing to let me have hope once more...

-Mogu-

sickness which wont cure

This morning went to the hospital...
Had my regular skin checkup...( my skin is kinda allergic and as my close friends know, i got sweaty hands)
so, yea...I had some kind of treatment last year for few months to inhibit the sweat pores of my skin from secreting too much waste substances through sweating... It's a machine which led electricity to pass through the water and my hands are immersed in water...hmm, feel a bit numb at first but got used to it then...
However, before my spm examination last year, my hands got allergic to the treatment, so i stopped...

This year, i went to the hospital once for checkup on january...
The specialist, Dr.P told me that my hands might allergy to detergent....(washing detergent)
There're red spots all over my fingers, itchy...
So, there it goes...no housework for me, no need to wash dishes after meal (the only hose chores that i do best)...
But, badly, i went back to sri aman for almost 1 month on and off, so stayed there for quite long...
I didnt bring my medicine over.... I did cleaning, and my hands are itchy again...
So, this morning, went to see Dr.P again...
Frankly speaking, i'm afraid that Dr.P might scold me when he found out...
Well, i can sense that there's little "Ah...see? told u..." expression when he saw my fingers...and the spots that now appeared on my leg too...
Hmm...Feel bad...
(but lived in aunt house, not nice to just eat and go away without helping right?)
Anyway....
He told me that PATCH TEST must be done soon...
Till now, there's no way for him to prevent the sickness besides finding out the things or ingredients that make me allergy...
So, basically, the test would be carried out like this:
Different type of materials or cream wif different ingredients will be spread on my back, patch by patch...
Then, for 3 days, water cant get into contact wif my back.(means no bathing? yes!!---tat will b itchy worse..wakakaXD)
Serious...
Then, after 3 days, they'll observe which part of my back hav red spots and tat's what i'm allergic to...hmm...brilliant idea? well, it just means if i'm really allergy to certain things that's put on my back, after 3 days, i will have itchy back then!!
But it's all for my own good...
Then, he wrote the slip and i thought it would end there, i can go home...
Then mum and Dr.P talked bout my "great" dream to go for dentistry through jpa...
And Dr.P's reaction is---------*shook head+stare*
"U sure?"

"y?"

"well, between ur hands and ur dream, u can choose 1"

"...."dun understand....

"u noe ur allergy problem is a lifelong prob, it wont cure....being a dentist, whenever u're in contact wif ur patients, u have to wash ur hands using antiseptic detergent and wear gloves...not to say many are found that when they wore gloves for long period, they'll have allergy reaction towards gloves too...but u're allergy to detergents, so does that mean u wan to have itchy hands for ur whole life?"

*deep thinking* and i asked, "The worst will just be red spots and itchiness right?"

"Nope, this is the most minor symptoms.... If u get in contact wif detergent too often, or perhaps like u, daily, ur skin might crack and might bleed...." (which means there might b lil pores within fingers that bleed, mayb cos too dry, mayb allergy, mayb itchy and i scratch it, etc...)

*silent again*(saw some pores on my fingers do have the symptom of bleeding cos i scratched)

"So, what do u tink? u can continue and deal wif the problems in the future, but it would b a non-cure sickness..."

*smile*

"I've chosen my way, and i will go for it...Thank you, doctor...I've been through it for few years, i think i am prepared for the worst....Afterall, nothing should inhibit me from fulfilling my own dream..." replying in a shacking voice.... i noe i hesitate for a moment...

Way back home, i told papa bout it... The only question is just "Wad do u think?"
Mum asked the same thing too....

I've thought hard...
I noe my decision...I'm stubborn perhaps...
Still, mayb i've not gone through the "worst" which doctor worried bout, but i noe, if i dun continue my dream, i would regret over it...
This problem only make my will to become a dentist stronger...
I'm sure that dentist would be my path and somehow, i noe which step and where to go...
But perhaps, if i dun get jpa scholarships, i might tolerate to be ordinary doctor or pharmacist...
Yet now..... I'm sure that medical line will be my path....Antiseptic detergent will be my soulmate in the future... And allergy would be nothing after that...just go through it...
As long as I can glorify His name, everything is worth it!!
Khai would pray for me, i would pray too...
I've done much, God, please lead me...
I'm not afraid...U're my strength~


-Mogu-

美丽的爱

美丽的爱,定义到底在哪?
很常, 会有些朋友问我 : "丽洁, 爱情是什么? "
这答案, 至今我仍找不到确切的答案.
因为虚拟, 所以, 当爱情来了, 有些人会保持着害怕和不确定感....
今天看了一个节目, 若自己面对一段感情仍是保持怀疑, 那么, 不妨想想这3审.
其实, 爱情有3审:

1审--- 激情.
>>当你面对这人时, 你对他/她还有激情吗?
亦或是剩下责任感而已?
有些情侣认为: "我们在一起几年了, 不可以现在分手, 他/她为我付出这么多... "
想法虽伟大, 但, 其实, 你只是在拖累另一半..
你对他/她只有责任, 没有感情.
俗称: " 为了在一起而一起. "
这样的感情是没有意义的...
倒不如早点让各自自由...
因为, 坚持下去, 或许才真的会耽误到对方的下一站幸福啊...

2审--- 亲密感.
>>这并不代表肢体接触, 而是互相的依赖.
眼前的那位, 是不是能让你掏心说出内心深处感觉的人?
若连这种感觉都没有, 那么, 何不找个你们在一起都能很自在, 畅所欲言的人, 不是更好嘛~

3审--- 安全感.
>> 当然, 这或许对男/女友的性格有很大的关系..
若他/她的性格并不是像你能接受的, 那么, 就别开始.
因为, 往往, 所谓的爱, 会慢慢被外在的感觉摧毁, 时间久了, 或许那分强烈的好感就会消失...
很多人会提到远距离是不是就代表没安全感?
其实, 并不然.
只是, 我的建议是, 当一段感情还在开端时, 彼此没有很深的信任与互动, 回忆少, 自然, 就会开始产生很多猜疑.
而没安全感其实就是来自还没很深的爱所发生的猜疑...
所以, 一般上, 远距离恋情对热恋期的情侣产生很大的挑战...


当你觉得你在一个人身上可以找到2/3, 那么, 你们应该可以走的长远...

友人又可能会问: " 我好像找到了, 但那是不是我的最终真爱呢?我怎么知道? "

某某可能会说:你爱他/她,你们相处的好就好了,干嘛非得执着与找到真爱呢?

对于这见解, 我赞成一半....

"美丽的爱有两个部分.
第一个是我们常在追求的真爱...
那第二部分是在于我们怎么去经营...
爱不是说我一直要找到最适合, 真命天子/女, 而是在于态度...
怎么样把我们看似不够完美的把它变成真爱...
若不经营,真爱也是会变成胡乱的爱..."


有人说
人, 其实是球体变出来的.
那么因为压力的问题, 让我们的一部分被分裂掉...
而寻回这一部分就好像一颗球在寻找它的缺角一样...
每个人的缺角或许是三角形, 四方型, 还有不同的形状, 但记住, 寻找的过程有时不一定会找到最后的那个角.
而是谁, 在你一路寻找时, 帮你把缺掉的角给磨合了...
不要一昧的追求那个"完美"的缺角, 因为当你走到终点, 你的形体已经变回圆的, 那么你需要的也是一个一路和你一样磨练的球体....

完美不会存在...
它只存在人的脑海里, 而经过比较, 现实中的就会变得不完美了...

只有把不完美填补, 才会找到完美, 因为我们自己也不是完美的...

美丽的爱, 除了感觉, 也要经营.


-蘑菇-

watch from 4.55 to 6.00

accidentally saw tis topic....like the idea during 4.55 till 6.00.....i agree with the "love" word... sometimes, love cant b simplified, it has much to be considered which will finally affect the love which u hold firmly into it initially...

Matured 18, just get used to it!!

Another night which flashed back all the memories keep deep inside my heart...something which i'm most unwilling to recall back.
Again, i chose not to reveal the truth to my blog readers...it's something private and confidential...
But most importantly, when i considered the facts that even though i blog out the whole situation, it wont help either...i respect the person-in-the-case.
I respect the person cos for God's name, i know it's not right to write out everything...
Thanks sis for stopping me...
I really prayed hard that tomoro....somehow, will b a brand new day, a day which everything turns back to normal, papa in good mood, mummy happy, erjie happy, dajie finish her work and preparation for exams, and i.....will b happy if God's always there...
I'm trying hard to make God my first, last and only dependence....
I have faith in God and that's y.... after few minutes, i dont think that is a matter now...JUST GET USED TO IT, JOCELYNN!!
I've done well for the past 17years...now, i'm almost 18, i believe i can overcome it in a more matured way...
yeah, 18...
Matured 18 to be...
Hmm....just remember me as happy Jocelynn...dont feel disappointed for me not sharing my sorrows, just that sometimes it's too private to be shared...i believe everyone has one secret like this too=)

*pray hard for studies and family happiness*

PS* All the best sis!!

-Mogu-

Interview soon

生病了,真的像二姐说的---活死人!!

JPA list is out..gonna have my interview on monday 8am...which is...erm...first batch i guess...
not sure whether it's a good news o not....
Anyways, being the first person to do sth is always my style, no matter oral exams, presentations and others, I'm always the one who volunteer to b the first...
Just hope tat i'll be okay soon....keep sleeping and lying on bed like a pig...
Now, am i okay?
Absolutely no!!
Headache!!
Hmm...need to grab some time to prepare for the interview..


Er..erm....
"Introduce urself?"

"Jocelynn...err....err...."

Cant think now, jia, online tomoro afternoon ya.....book ur time, 2pm.... thankiuk!!


Ate dinner and lunch today, but in small quantity, not really feeling well to eat...
Gonna have my new suits of baju kurung on thursday....
blablabla~
random post...

Back to bed...bb=)

Love God always!! and thanks God for letting me be selected into the interview...
Oh ya!! My name got selected for the yayasan tnb interview too, but it's on the same day wif jpa interview and the interview is held in Selangor, so guess, i would say bye bye to tat scholarships...really hope jpa scholarships interview, Jocelynn Tian Li Chieh will do excellent!!^.^



-Mogu-

=)开心的一天

跑步完了，真得挺累人的。。。
不过，感谢主，快乐的蘑菇回来了。。。
收拾好心情，现在只想当属于大家的蘑菇，一个专心学业的蘑菇。。。
好！
加油加油！！
说句“加油”给全部朋友，我知道他们需要。。。
加油！！
看到fb,有朋友交女朋友了，希望他们可以努力经营。。。
我的，我放弃了，不过道理上，还是希望对方更好。
一直都秉持着“好聚好散”的道理，因为毕竟都是曾经在乎过的人，若你不行，那么，我也没办法了。。。
真的在跑步时想了很多。。。
可是现在什么也不记得，可能放空很久吧。。。
看到表哥们打篮球，不尽想拥有那快乐。。。他常常都无忧无虑的，真好。。。
不过，好再，蘑菇回来了。。。清理好伤口，重新迈开脚步。。。
发现部落格很多人都有这重新开始的感觉。。。
甚至有些分手了，专注在学业，向我一样。
有些分手了，就开心得部落格，像展开新旅程般。。。
无论怎样，只要是不伤害自己和所有关心你的人，任何的开始都是好的。。。
只要，拿得起`放得下。。

开心的蘑菇。。。
加油！！


-蘑菇-

A brand new day(heez..din sleep well, headache)

Slept "early" in the morning, dont feel like calling myself a vampire cos it's not tat i'm willing to be one....
I love sleeping cos when i'm deep asleep, i had all these wonderful dreams or perhaps, recently, all these terrible nightmares...
Hmm...
3.15am was definitely a SO-LATE time to sleep...
I can hardly fell asleep...lying on bed, many things flashed across my mind...
Bothering me with all the past that i've been through, i remembered my promise to myself on 1/1/2010----A better year, a better Jocelynn.
That's my words and now, i'm sticking myself on the wall of sufferrings....
No sleep, no eat...(Hey, i will get gastritis sooner o later cos it's my family's....erm....inheritance? All of us have it)
Anyway, living wif relatives simply means tat i should not let them worried...
When it's time to eat, i eat, when it's time to sleep.....Well, i'll stuck on the bed wif eyes wide open....counting blabla-black sheeps....
Yesterday, something came into my mind when someone-whom-i-used-to-care said something cruel to me...
Tears dropped down uncontrollably and a sense of committing suicide came across which shocked me and God, of course...
The Devil is so closed to take over my heart....
Luckily, i had these nice friends of mine and a good sister....
They reminded me on how stupid i am to hav tat kind of idea, just for someone who dont even love himself....
Well, when i awake this morning(not to tell u wad time it is), i thought a lot...
Yeah~ Time will cure everything...If u wan to wait, i'll let u be....I'm not being cruel, but if u wan to change back into the "old" character of urs, how can i stop u, since u dun allow me to step into ur world NOW...
If u think doing tat is good, tat just simply proof that my judgement is right...U changed for me, sheer for me and not for urself....Don't even realise that wad i care so much bout asking u to change is to tell u tat all those stuff are bad, and i wan u to realise them tat way too...But obviously, u dont....
Going back to the "old" person will make u happier?
If so, i wont stop u...I'm going to step my feet out of ur world now as it seems tat i'm not much invited into tat small world of urs...the world which u only care bout urself now and thinking wad u do is the best for others too...
When u told me tat u wan to be the bad guy, i cried...
And thinking of it now(well, friends, dunnid to take time, i made judgement very fast, i realised it after a sleep),I'm so stupid cos u urself dun even feel pity for doing tat, y should i worry, though I AM WORRIED, but....well, nomore tears for someone who cant love himself better before he loves a girl...
Loving urself is not bout doing something u like, feel the taste of freedom...It's about doing the right to urself,make urself happy in the RIGHT way before all other stuff!
When there's no love for urself, how can u love others?
It's not tat u live a life for others...tis is U! UR LIFE!!

That's y, after long thought....I dont wan to die now....No use to think that way..Simply useless...
I noe i will regret if i do so...making all those who care bout me,sad and depressed isnt things that i hoped to see...
And I remembered i'm a christian...
Devil is not gonna conquer my world...
God is still there wif me, always, so i'm not gonna feel my life wif sadness, in fact, in God's world, i'm able to be happier...
Whenever i'm sad, once i think of God, He just has the power to heal my wound...
Just like back few years, when papa is mad, crying-baby-like-me can just simply hide under blanket in my room, all dark..i feel hopeless...Then now, no more crying baby...I will face challenges tough and well...
Friends, dont worry bout me, but for those who're friends of his too, just take care of him, no matter he's willing to listen o not, I'm here always, as long as u're willing to come over to me as a friend, i'm here....


Be happy!!=)
Cousin coming back today...heez><
Gonna have....erm....lamb chop for supper tonight...wakakaXD



No more tears....though still feel sad...but, hah~more relieved...Thanks friend(for u noe who u r)!!

Ys, thanks for ur strong "WAKE UP!" and the saying "cant u see the devil is smiling wide cos u're making urself suffer"

Khai, thanks for all the advice...U help me a lot...



-Mogu=)-

Scholarships information

Many friends are worried bout wad scholarships to apply....
Well, some minor suggestions from me...
For those wif real good results or meet the min criteria of 9A, u can apply JPA scolarship...
Besides, there are also yayasan scholarships of various types....Me for example, has applied the Yayasan Tenaga Nasional's scholarships...(oh ya!! these mainly for engineering field)...
Well, from my view, apply wadever is available...cos u never noe which road God has lead for u...don't let go a single chance....from many, there'll b one tat is selected i guess...
Erm, for yayasan scholarships, kindly google "Yayasan scholarships 2010"...there'll be a lot...
Also applied yayasan proton...it doesnt require essay, but u need to write a resume for it...
wad else?
oh ya!! "Sime Darby" scholarship is still available...search for it's webpage and u'll get much there...
Remind: Scholarships for undergraduate is not for SPM leavers of 2010....we're going to enter pre-university or foundation...so those scholarships for undergraduate, dont try to fill it, cos when u're half-done, it will appear the "academic qualification" page which requires ur STPM results/ matrics/diploma things.....
Honda scholarships are also available...
Anything mentioned above, just typed the company name, eg: Honda scholarships 2010, u will get the link into it.
Many friends asked me bout Shell scholarship's application form....I find the form a lil bit weird...
I didnt apply that, so any friends or bloggers who read this noe how to apply for Shell, kindly leave ur comment or message in chatbox...

Still not satisfied, visit...www.studymalaysia.com
There're lots of scholarships available there...take note on the dateline....some requires passport number, essays and others....

IMU scholarships are available too, but it's quite tough to be selected i think....only 2 will be selected out of....thousands?

Heard mum says those who get more than 8As i think, can get rm800 or more from Yayasan...just like pmr, we got rm200, i think tis is more....
hmm....glad to hear that, but whether application is needed o not, i'm not sure...Mum said, "Ur school should be applying it for all of u..."
So, depends on our SMK GREEN ROAD then...
rm800, which means my laptop's money comes in half ady....
still need another half...

Taylor's University is providing scholarships to good scorers of SPM who's gonna study foundation there.... full scholarship for the 1st year o 1 semester i heard....

In addition, Manipal University in malacca is also giving scholarships, but limited....

This few days read newspapers just to search for scholarships available...for those taking engineering, make an effort to apply.... many scholarships are available...those taking medicine...hmm....like me.....well, it's limited, but do try....heez>< href="http://www.moe.gov.my/">http://www.moe.gov.my/
Pin number has to be bought in bank...Bank Simpanan Nasional.

really minor suggestions here...
Mayb some of u have already known...
Well, keep it up!!
2 months later, our future will be decided dy=)


=Mogu-

若我死了

当上帝创造了人，为什么要赐予我们眼泪？
1.19早上。。。

若有天我死了，会有谁为我掉泪？
我甚至讨厌眼泪，它让我显得脆弱。
曾经有过的想法再次出现。。。
“我现在死了，或许一切就回到原点。大姐毕业，二姐毕业。然后爸妈不用再担心自己女儿的前途，只要伤心一下，就可以忘掉了。。。只要我不在，家里就不会有麻烦，爸爸就不会为了我的前途发脾气，妈妈不用委屈，姐姐可以买任何她要的。。。只要我不在。。。只要我不在。。”

“你很笨啊，除了会读书，什么都不会。”一句永远刻在我心里的话。。。
是的，我就是这么笨。
二姐说的对，家里的麻烦都是我害的。
我或许真的是扫把星。
从以前，就只会躲在房里逃避问题。
家里只要一不对劲，就只会跑进房里哭。。。
直到风平浪静了才敢出去。
所以二姐常说我没用。的确，我就是这么懦弱。
或许我不在，家里就可以早点不用为学业这块领域准备钱，可以快乐点。。。

妈咪，我真的很对不起你。
你知道吗？我真的很爱你，你为我们付出的努力和承受的委屈我都看在眼里。。。
我不想你再自己一个人活在那没有自由的监狱里。
我真的想早点带你走。。。
带你离开这里，我们一起生活，我会照顾你一辈子的。。。一定会。
我不会让你的未来几十年再伤心了。
事实就是，虽然我很没用，什么都不会，但是，我一定会努力赚钱给你。
带你去你想要去的地方。
让你不用为钱愁。
让你看到我结婚的喜乐。
但是，现在的我还没有能力这么做，不过，我会努力。
妈咪，一定要长命百岁，和我在一起。。。
我真的很爱你。。。
真的很爱你。

今天哭了一整天，很累了。。。
就让泪水伴我入眠，因为只有哭，才能让我释放。。
眼泪，我唯一会做的事。。。
或许我不在。。。。



-蘑菇-